Renegade Yogi

Now

I just completed an hour of concentration practice.

It is damn hard to focus on one thing for an hour. But I’m up to the challenge.

I rediscovered a simple idea to bring myself back to concentration after being distracted. The things that distract me all have the character of being about another time. Plans for the future, analyses of the past. But the breath is happening now. That’s the moment I should be concentrating on.

This reminds me of a time when I would use self-hypnosis to induce states of deep focus during my meditation. I think some people use the term “guided meditation”, though I’m not sure exactly what that means. Anyhow, I created tapes where I’d bring myself into a trance of focus on the present moment. Now that I think about it, it was so much easier than doing it through willpower alone. Hmm . . . That seems like a question for someone with more experience than me. I’ll keep you updated if I get an answer.

Anyhow, one thing I was thinking of was that meditating so hard and so long makes me really want to lead a simple, physical life. By physical, I mean just doing everyday things like laundry, washing the dishes, sweeping, etc. Instead of spending all day thinking of abstract things (like at work). Or, maybe more directly, to spend my day doing thing that don’t distract me from the present moment. You can be completely present while sweeping. It is more difficult with other people around. It is even more difficult with deadlines and other pressures.

Of course, this smells a bit of escapism. I know that it is so much harder to practice mindfulness in the lay world as opposed to in the monastery. Concentration practice should help. I suppose it’s required. Computer programming tends to draw me out of the present–out of my body, into an abstract world or symbols. With time, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on anything real. And my health declines. There are moments when I realize that I am not breathing–or breathing very shallowly. My shoulders become hunched. My neck hurts. My eyes strained.

There is a time and place for computer programming in my life. I enjoy it. But sometimes it is too much of a distraction. I am too easily drawn into it that it becomes an obsession. I will work on a project hour after hour, putting off everything else. Good thing I have a girlfriend to remind me of my other obligations.

Oh, well. Enough pontificating. It’s lunch time.