Renegade Yogi

I don’t even know what to say today

Meditation today felt mostly a waste. I’m saying that to have something to say here, but really I’d like to reserve judgment. Everyone says that although a certain session might not feel like it’s better than the last, it’s the consistent effort that counts.

And I certainly made an effort. But I was just confronted with lots of questions. Lots of possibilities to explore. With how much force should I return to focusing on the breath? How should I note other distractions besides sensory ones? Like tensing my eye muscles or my brow? Or are those considered kinesthetic (touch)? And is my noting “Talk” whenever I am distracted by my internal monologue merely adding to the habits and noise?

Those, and more, questions, arose while I was practicing. Though now that I list them here, they seem much more trivial. It seems like I’m complicating what should be very simple.

For instance, when I try hard to concentrate on the breath, I merely build up images to “help” me concentrate. And when I notice that I might not be noting enough, I go off and look for something to note. But “Nothing” is a good thing to note, as well. Lastly, I sometimes feel like I realize that I’m distracted, and in order to note it, I replay it. While I don’t think it’s the end goal (which is to note as it happens), I am conflicted between thinking it will lead me to noting in the present and thinking it will lead me to develop ever more habits. And if so, how do you note that? “Replaying?”

I guess it’s not a waste, it just felt more like work than the easy bliss I sometimes feel. What’s important is that I keep up the consistency.